Wednesday, 5th August 2020

Thank f**k for that, says UK public at news a royal wedding was held in secret

THE UK public are relieved they did not have to rejoice or put up bunting because a posh, rich couple got married.

After Buckingham Palace confirmed that Princess Beatrice married Edoardo Mapelli Mozzi at a small private ceremony, Britons confirmed they were happy to know f**k all about it.

Charlotte Phelps said: “What with all the other shit going on this year, the last thing we needed was yet another sodding royal wedding.

“Even if, like me, you aren’t interested because you think the royal family are a bunch of spongers who do nothing but hoover up taxpayer’s money, their weddings are impossible to avoid.

“If it isn’t shops full of naff royal-themed tat, it’s sycophantic front pages speculating on what knickers the bride will be wearing, or the neighbours decorating their house with so many flags that it looks like a Union Jack was sick on it.

“Coronavirus and Prince Andrew are two of 2020’s worst points, but at least we can thank them for this.”