LOCKDOWN? Thriving on it mate. Meet the four types of weirdo who actually like this:
Catching Up On My Admin
That unanswered email from 2017 can finally be dealt with by this anal loser, grateful to sit at their desk and actually ping off some emails for once. They’ve never been more on top of their admin. And to these people friendship is admin, so expect some reconnecting messages shortly.
This sick puppy is up at 6am chugging kale smoothies, going for a run, lunching on protein shakes, going for an illicit second run, then doing jumping jacks on the balcony in the evening. Avoid at all costs. And consider dobbing them in for that second run.
Arts and Crafts
To be fair, one freedom offered by our current situation is you get to f**k off work and try being creative for a living without actually committing to it. But this eccentric creep’s Etsy store selling hand-sequinned felt isn’t your problem. You’ve not bought a single item and you never will.
This reprehensible mutant has already planned a novel about, guess what, a pandemic. Yes, that’s right, they’re determined to be the first to get literature published about this time, and have you checked out their blog yet?