PUBS are a great place to for adults to relax but they also work as soft play areas for parents who don’t give a shit about other drinkers. Here’s how…
Make sure your kids run around
Give your children all the physical fun of soft play by being oblivious to the fact that they’ve spent the last half-hour jumping from one sofa to another, ruining a couple’s attempt to have a date.
Get them hyperactive
Keep feeding them coke and crisps until they’re shrieking loudly enough to change the atmosphere from ‘Having a quiet pint’ to ‘Am I in Jacob’s Ladder?’.
Recreate soft play thrills
Soft play always has a ‘thrilling’ element for kids like a slide. Recreate this excitement by getting your children to play by the kitchen door where the waiters are coming out with hot food.
Work off their energy
Tire them out so you get a quiet evening by timing them doing races up and down the pub. Watch proudly as they race past the annoyed stares of otherwise normal people now wishing to kill them.
You’re not finished yet!
Get up and look like you’re about to leave, much to everyone’s relief, but then get your child to order something from the bar. It’s absolutely adorable and customers won’t mind being held up by a six-year-old who can’t decide what flavour Nik Naks she wants.