THOUGHT you looked pretty good in the mirror at home? Here are some places that will unexpectedly reveal how truly hideous you are.
You’re innocently beeping your shopping through the till when you look up and are confronted with a close-up video image of yourself. Your face looks fat, red and surprised, and why had you never noticed that your nose was so wonky? You return to the shelves for a bottle of wine to blot out the horror of suddenly turning from gorgeous to ugly.
Front-facing camera on phone
You’re just going to take a picture of the view and – waaah! What the f**k is that quadruple-chinned monster doing in your phone? Oh, the camera has been switched to front-facing and it’s you, unfortunately. You consider smashing your phone, but it was expensive, so you Google ‘face lift’ instead to see if that’s cheaper.
As you approach the newsagent’s you can see a large, ungainly person lumbering towards you like a hippo with collapsed arches. You’re glad you don’t walk like that. A split second later you to realise that the window is mirrored and the uncoordinated oaf is you. Your self-confidence is drained forever. Maybe you should stay indoors for the rest of your life? It’s only fair to the rest of society.
Photograph from a night out
One of your mates still insists on posting photos of nights out on Facebook and you aren’t an attractive 19-year-old anymore so they’re all dreadful. You look knackered, bloated and have bloodshot eyes, though luckily the only engagement it gets is from a twat you went to school with commenting ‘haha u look like dogs now’.
Yoga studio mirrors
You want to get in better shape and head down to the yoga studio, dreaming of getting as toned and fit as Jessica Alba. Unfortunately one entire wall is made of mirrors, meaning you spend an hour staring at yourself with your flab falling out of your leggings at all angles. Vow never to return and stop by the shop for some Ben & Jerry’s on the way home to drown your sorrows. Feel worse because it’s got a fat cow on the tub.