DO you pretend to have a different home life when people visit? Here are five things that are at odds with the squalid truth.
Judging by the gleaming surfaces in all your rooms, your guests will assume that you hoover and dust on a weekly basis. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact you had to book the last fortnight off work just to get your home into a presentable condition. And the second they leave it will revert to its natural state as a shit tip.
Everything in your home appears to have a place. The glasses sit in the cabinet, the books stand proudly on the shelf, and the mountain of dirty laundry you couldn’t be bothered to sort has been crammed into your wardrobe. So long as your guests don’t look in there they will never know that you are in fact a slovenly goblin person.
Your kitchen isn’t bare
Offering your guests a drink and a snack is a great way to cover your tracks. They’ll never suspect that your cupboards are usually only filled with stale breakfast cereal, mouldy bread, and a clove of garlic you picked up in the first lockdown. Who needs ingredients though when you live off takeaways every night? That would be wasteful.
All the rooms are equally clean and tidy
This is a gamble, but it can pay off. If you only clean the rooms your guests will visit, then they should assume that everywhere else is equally immaculate. Unless you’re giving them a tour, they will have no reason to visit the fetid den you call your bedroom, meaning you don’t need to sort the assorted junk which has built up in it ever since you moved in.
You’re winning at life
By presenting a deceptively positive version of your abode, your guests may actually be envious of you. They’ll suspect something is off because they know what a shambles of a person you really are, but they won’t be able to prove it. Just pray they don’t decide to knock on the door in a couple of weeks when everything has promptly fallen apart again.