Topless hunk flaunts beer belly in raunchy khaki shorts

AN overweight man has been spotted showing off his curvaceous assets in the park, it has emerged.

Tom Booker, 36, looked nothing short of stunningly unhealthy as he broke into a sweat stripping down to his sizzling khaki one-piece while meeting friends for a barbecue.

Onlooker Nikki Hollis said: “I know it’s rude to stare but me and my girlfriends were all frozen in aroused disbelief like that Diet Coke advert with the window cleaner.

“He’d clearly been working hard on his flabby, pasty physique during lockdown and he wasted no time showing it off. The overgrown toenails only added to the look.”

When she stopped drooling over Booker’s unshaven deltoids, Hollis added: “Pulses were already racing as he playfully stuffed a burger into his mouth. Then, when he coyly squirted excessive amounts of ketchup onto his hotdog, I came.”

Booker said: “I can tell I’m nothing but a sex object to these women. If they lost a few pounds and got massive breast enlargements they could be in with a chance.”

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'Cockwomble' and other annoyingly overused insults that should f**k off

IF you spend even a small amount of time online, you’ll find people throwing around bum-clenchingly lame insults they think are riotously funny. Here are the worst.

Cockwomble

Compound insults have spread across the internet like wildfire, with their users thinking they are hilarious and highly original even though every other twat is doing exactly the same. Cockwomble appears to have been one of the first and has a lot to answer for.

Wankpuffin

Even more annoying than cockwomble is wankpuffin, which is so insufferably twee and smug that it’s basically the Cath Kidston of insults. Used by the type of dickhead who also says things like ‘You, sir, have just won the internet’.

Libtard

A primary school level insult, libtard is used by frothing right wingers in place of an actual argument to insult people who disagree with them. If you don’t like someone’s views, calmly and maturely call them a bellend and be done with it.

Boomer

This catch-all insult is used against a huge group of people who were accidentally born between 1946 and 1964 but are somehow to blame for all the world’s ills. When someone older than you pisses you off, call them a miserable old f**ker instead.

Nazi

Whether they’re left wing, right wing or an actual self-professed fascist, people sling the word Nazi at each other willy-nilly nowadays. Maybe it should be kept for the only people who were Nazis, which is the Nazis.

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