Total bitch brazenly accepts compliment

A WOMAN has horrified onlookers by accepting a compliment without hesitation, deflection, or cringing humility.

Francesca Johnson told friend Joanna Kramer how good she was looking and was left dumbfounded when Kramer thanked her for it almost as if she was in agreement.

Johnson said: “I complimented her hair, expecting her to say she doesn’t wash it enough, that she needs her roots doing, and that she hates it and it’s a mess. Normal stuff.

“Instead she said ‘Thanks.’ That was it. Just ‘thanks’, as if she deserved it. So, stunned, I said that I really liked her top. Surely she’d say it didn’t fit, she’d had it for years or that it was from a bin in a charity shop? Even just some drivel about it having pockets?

“But no. Exact same thing again: a completely comfortable acceptance of the compliment. I mean the ego on this vain cow.

“She remarked on how clear my skin looked and I did the polite thing, telling her it’s actually hideous, and it’s no wonder given how badly I take care of it like the sloppy sloven slut I am. Bizarrely, she seemed almost confused.

“At least it was only in front of a woman. What if she’d blatantly had such high regard for herself that she accepted a compliment from a man? I can’t imagine how offended he’d be.”

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Virgin Media temporarily working again for thousands

BROADBAND provider Virgin Media has briefly come back to life for thousands of customers who do not believe for a moment it will last.

After plunging customers into the usual pit of internet-free despair yesterday, Virgin Media has briefly flickered back to life in an uncharacteristic resumption of its service that is unlikely to survive the day.

Virgin Media subscriber Jack Browne said: “When the hub lit up I assumed it was a malfunction. And in a way it was.

“There it was, the internet, and not only that I could connect to it and browse websites. It sounds like the basic requirement of an internet provider, but when you’re with Virgin Media you take nothing for granted.

“I went through the world wide web like it was a supermarket trolley dash. A scan of the news sites, a pop into social media for a swift doomscroll, failing to get Wordle, and finishing off with a quick look into PormnHub. It was delightful.

“Just as I thought well, I should observe form and tweet a complaint about the outages to Virgin, the whole thing died again. Back to normal. But for those brief moments I felt so alive.”

A Virgin Media spokesperson said: “We extend our deepest apologies to everyone who is experiencing internet connectivity today. We’re working hard to restore the patchy, frustrating service you have come to expect from us.”