Totally chaotic, f**ked-up mess of a family to get third dog

A FAMILY that exists in a state of filthy chaos has agreed that it would be great to get a third dog.

The Shaws, who have four feral children with at least two pets each, made the decision after their ‘Staffy-cross’ pulled a door off a kitchen cupboard and chewed it to pieces which nobody has yet picked up.

Mum Eleanor Shaw said: “Poor Snorlax. He must be lonely. That explains the shitting.

“The cats don’t help, because they’re still chasing Annabelle’s ferret that escaped into the loft even though I’m pretty sure it died a fortnight ago. Though the smell could be the toilet. Must call a plumber.

“Anyway none of the kids ever walks him because they’re always on Fortnite or smashing glass in the front garden. And the lizards aren’t any company, not really.

“So, since Neil’s off work with his infected foot and the Micra’s still running even though Jack slightly crashed it, I think the time’s right for another puppy.

“Maybe something small, like a terrier. They’re no trouble at all and I don’t think Laurel’s allergic.”