Wednesday, 20th January 2021

Trampoline in front garden knocks 15 per cent off house prices

THE value of every house in a street has dropped by 15 per cent after a child’s Christmas trampoline was set up in the front garden. 

The 12ft Sportspower trampoline first appeared in the garden when assembled on Boxing Day, and was assumed to be moving to the rear garden until tethered to the lawn with ropes this morning.

Neighbour Martin Bishop said: “Well, bang goes my hope of unlocking my capital with a swift remortgage. Not with that f**ker there.

“I have nothing against the joyful cries of children, but the little bastard’s up and down on there all day long. He’s out in his pyjamas at 8am. That’s not kerb appeal.

“Some neighbours exchange presents at Christmas, I wasn’t expecting ours to give us negative equity.

“I’ve had Purple Bricks out and they’ve confirmed there’s a sixth off the price of every house in the street, with a further two per cent annual annual depreciation once it starts to rust.”

Trampoline owner Steve Malley said: “Apparently it’s easier to plumb in the hot tub if we have it out the front. That’s happening in spring.”