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Travelodge rewards lucky couple with 2am threesome opportunity

A COUPLE are being unaccountably ungrateful to a Travelodge which, at no extra cost, provided them with the opportunity for a spontaneous 2am threesome. 

Susan Traherne and Wayne Hayes, both in their 50s, were presented with a shirtless stranger ready to go in their room at 2am but instead of allowing freshness and excitement into their moribund love lives attempted to alert managers.

A Travelodge spokesman said: “Fortunately they were thwarted because there was no manager on site overnight. But what a pair of dullards.

“We read so much these days about going with the flow, embracing the chances life gives you, not allowing yourself to be ruled by fear, and then you encounter a pair of stick-in-the-muds like these two, holding society back.

“What’s wrong with them? Why, after their initial surprise, did they not beckon the shirtless, aggressive stranger over to their bed seductively while removing their pyjamas?

“They could have had a night of passion, of boundaries broken, an unforgettable evening of three-way love and soiled towels thrown in the bath for our staff to clean. Instead it was as unmemorable as the abstract art over the bed.”

Traherne said: “We would have only we had to be up early for the garden retail expo the next day. Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall was doing a talk.”

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Boss reserves half of meeting for discussion of his holiday

A MANAGER has reserved 30 minutes of a meeting to give his team a thorough briefing on his recent fortnight of seven-star luxury in the Dutch Antilles. 

Martin Bishop, conscious that his staff could never afford such a break, set aside roughly 50 per cent of the vital catch-up meeting with an attend-in-person brief to detail exactly what such a holiday provides and what it costs.

He said: “Best report it while it’s fresh in the mind, I thought. I wouldn’t want to forget details like the 800-thread count linen sheets, changed daily.

“It’s my duty as a thoughtful and inspirational leader to inform them of the icing-sugar beaches, the glorious azure seas, the fresh-caught lobster, the complimentary mojitos. It lets them unwind vicariously.

“Aspiration is key to success, and by providing images of the paradise location, our enormous home with a shower open to the very sky, my wife’s Pilates classes, I’m encouraging them to work harder and achieve more.

“How could it not, when all they’ve done is scrape together a few Euros for a package to one of those countries where you put your shitty toilet paper in the bin. Or staycations. One poor sod’s even going to Wales.

“I tell everyone that if they get their heads down and work hard, they’ll be able to afford a holiday like this. They won’t. We’re making redundancies next month.”

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