Waitrose shoppers 'thrilled' to have excuse to go to Poundland

WAITROSE devotees going to Poundland to ‘get rid of their old pound coins’ have declared themselves to be ‘utterly thrilled’.

Since the discount store announced it will accept the old coins until the end of the month, people who ‘shop with taste’ are delighted to finally have a viable excuse to explore a ‘working class wonderland’.

Martin Bishop, from East Sussex, said: “After snuffling around the house like a Dordogne truffle pig, I found 243 old pound coins.

“I thought I might be able to get one or two bargains for my money but almost every single thing in that shop only costs one pound. Working class people are living the dream.

“As well as 242 tubes of Nivea hand cream, I got not one, but five washing up brushes for just one pound. In Waitrose they cost… I haven’t the faintest idea.”

He added: “Sadly, I brushed up against a man – or woman – wearing a football team shirt and the static electricity gave me a tiny shock. I shall never, ever go back.”

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Insanity is ‘refreshing Netflix again and again and expecting different results’, said Einstein

REPEATEDLY refreshing Netflix and expecting new and different content to appear is the definition of insanity, according to a newly discovered Einstein quote.

The original of the famous quote, discovered in the theoretical physicist’s papers, not only predicted the on-demand streaming service but also the futile tedium of 21st century entertainment.

Denys Finch Hatton, who is writing a new biography of Einstein, said: “He also extended the principle to Amazon Prime, BBC iPlayer and All 4, showing how ahead of his time he was.

“To recogise that a telephone network and a codebreaking machine would inevitably combine to become the internet, and then that it would provide streaming media to homes, and then there would be nothing on worth watching, is typical of his genius.

“He also posited that time would slow down relative to the observer of any season of Orange Is The New Black beyond season three, so weak and soapy had it become.

“But to be fair my girlfriend called that at the end of season two.”