A TOWN’S Warhammer community has been plunged into mourning following news that one of their members is in a relationship.
Enthusiasts for wargaming and miniature-painting in Middlesbrough held two minutes silence before Sunday’s game after learning that devout attendee Jack Browne would not be attending because he preferred to be with a girl.
Friend Oliver O’Connor said: “I’m still in shock, honestly. What woman can compare to an evening playing Kill Team with a full squad of lovingly detailed Imperial Navy Breachers?
“I can believe in Kataphron Battle Servitors because their lore is deep and richly detailed, but that a women out there would want to be in the vicinity of Jack’s genitalia is beyond even my comprehension.
“What of the eternal struggle against the Aeldari and their attempts to resurrect a dead god by uniting the Infinity Circuits? Has he abandoned all that for grubby gropings with a mere human female? And what is it like and will he tell us?”
Browne said: “At first I suspected she was a spy for a rival Warhammer group in Stockton, attempting to find out how we plan to defeat Archaon the Everchosen and his forces of Chaos before the regional championships in Hull.
“But it’s worse than that. Zoey has made me realise playing tiny dolls with losers was a tragic waste of my life.”
