A WEIRD family has been spotted actually cooking and eating the contents of their decorative Halloween pumpkins.
The Shaw family has disgusted everyone on their street by using the innards of their carved Halloween pumpkins to make a nutritious soup, rather than throwing the extracted pulp straight in the bin like sane people.
Neighbour Kelly Howard said: “There’s always been something off about that lot. But it wasn’t until I saw them happily slurping away on bright orange soup instead of stuffing their faces with chocolate that I was convinced they were nuts.
“Don’t they know pumpkins only exist to be hollowed out and filled with candles to provide seconds of entertainment, or to be flavouring for overpriced seasonal lattes? If nature wanted pumpkins to be eaten she wouldn’t have made them taste like shit.
“I shouldn’t have been surprised, given that I heard them lecturing their kids on the historical importance of All Hallows’ Eve. Can’t they just buy a tacky plastic Minion costume from ASDA and call it a day like everyone else?”
Mother Eleanor Shaw said: “If anyone comes trick-or-treating we’ll ladle hearty servings of pumpkin soup into their goody bags. That way they’ll know we’re better than them, which is what really matters.”