A PAIR of pristine white jeans have lasted just quarter of an hour on a night out before getting disgustingly dirty.
Lucy Parry confidently put on the jeans for a night out with her friends as if they were meeting on a yacht in Monaco, rather than a cheap curry house in Balham that specialises in luridly colourful dishes.
Friend Catherine Phelps said: “Within minutes she’d dropped a big dollop of bhuna onto her lap. She did her best to dab it out in the bathroom but trying to get curry out of ivory white denim is just pissing in the wind. She looked like she’d somehow soiled herself from the front.
“Then we went to a club where our friend Sophie spilt a vodka and coke on the jeans, before we hit the dance floor and they sucked up all the liquidy scum on the floor and developed this sort of ombré gradient effect of grey from hem to knee.
“She should do what I do, which is wear faux leather leggings. They’re essentially wipe clean so you can vomit red wine all over them and still carry on with your night.”