Abba Gold still best Abba album

HAVING listened to their new album, fans have confirmed that greatest hits album Abba Gold is still the highlight of the band’s discography.

After impatiently sitting through the ten tracks on Voyage without feeling the urge to hit the dance floor, fans have chucked on Abba Gold because it is the pinnacle of the group’s back catalogue.

Abba obsessive Susan Traherne said: “From ‘Dancing Queen’ and ‘Take A Chance On Me’ to ‘Waterloo’ and ‘Super Trooper’, Abba Gold is all killer. Whereas I can’t remember a single track from the new album and I literally just heard them all.

“They had 40 years to produce a string of bangers, but I can’t see any of these duds making it onto the Mamma Mia 3 soundtrack. Voyage isn’t going to shift over 5.7 million copies like Abba Gold did, even if it’s got a sappy Christmas song on it to boost sales in December.”

Fellow fan Bill McKay said: “At first I thought my opinions of Abba Gold were probably clouded by nostalgia. Then I quickly remembered it slaps just as hard as ever and that all music after 1982 is shit, whether it’s made by Abba or not.”

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Racist can't face getting into cricket

A KEEN and committed racist has admitted that despite Yorkshire’s exemplary record of bigotry he is still not getting into cricket. 

Jordan Gardner of Colchester said that while he would normally back Yorkshire Cricket Club for their solid work in tolerating, denying and covering up racism, there is no way he is learning the rules of a game that runs for four days and stops when it’s raining.

He continued: “The thing I love about racism is it’s simple: white people great, everyone else not. Cricket? That’s bloody complicated.

“To be honest I’d only vaguely heard of county cricket before Yorkshire’s inspiring display of institutional racism, and while that’s impressive I’d need to see that it ran right throughout the sport like in football.

“All this business with overs and batting orders and different versions of the game and everything? That’s off-putting to the man in the street, no matter how prejudiced they are.

“Plus don’t we get beaten by like Pakistan and the West Indies? At least getting hammered by the Krauts in the Euros reinforces my faith in the destiny of the Aryan race.

“Sorry Yorkshire. But some things just revolt a man in his very core.”