Why everyone else makes a fortune selling their clothes online, but you won't

SOME people make so much money selling old clothes that they can quit their jobs. Here’s why you won’t become one of them.

You have horrible clothes

The people cashing in are the ones who have decent clothes to sell. Vintage or designer stuff they’ve spent good money on. Nobody in their right mind would be interested in that lime green pleather trench coat you mistakenly thought was ‘fun’, or the bashed-up old Converse that are so smelly you have to keep them outside the front door.

You can’t be arsed

Are you really going to spend your evenings and weekends writing detailed descriptions of baggy old jumpers? Squeezing into clothes that don’t fit you anymore to take photos? Queuing up at the post office during your lunch hour? No, you’re far too lazy to be arsed with all that.

You never see things through

You’re much better at talking a big game about doing things than you are actually doing them. The furthest you’ll get is taking everything out of the wardrobe and piling it on the bed. Then you’ll get bored and go and watch telly, while your partner seethes about the almighty f**king mess you’ve made.

You can’t part with your stuff

Your wardrobe is heaving with stuff you’ve owned since 1995, but when you try to Marie Kondo your way through it, you find everything brings you joy. You know that one day you’ll lose enough weight to fit into the Britney-style rubber jumpsuit you wore to a fancy dress party two decades ago, so it would be a tragedy to get shot of it.

It’s all a lie, anyway

Whatever those friendly eBay and Depop adverts keep telling you, it’s actually very hard to make money selling old clothes. However, make sure you keep telling your partner otherwise so that when you next come home with a massive bag of Primark tat you can assure them you’ll make a killing flogging it on in a couple of months.

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Queen would've loved this

HER Majesty, who passed away last month, would have gotten a massive kick out of watching the current political turmoil, it has been confirmed.

Watching political parties implode in real time was second only to horses in the Queen’s affections and she would have had a right laugh at the drama that unfolded in the House of Commons yesterday.

Royal insider Sir Julian Cook said: “In public she would’ve just cooed something non-committal like ‘I see’ or ‘how interesting’. But behind closed doors she would’ve been cackling her arse off.

“Her schedule would be cleared, the servants would bring a nice bottle of sherry up from the cellar, and she’d settle down for a night being glued to the news and Twitter like the rest of us. She’d be making jokes even Philip would have thought were a bit much.

“After appointing Liz Truss as prime minister the Queen whispered to me ‘I give her two months, max’ and how right she was. I just wish she was still with us to watch it all go to shit.”

A visitor at the King George VI Memorial Chapel said: “I could’ve sworn I heard a chuckle coming from beneath the Queen’s gravestone. Must be the wind.”