A WOMAN is subjecting herself to enormous stress over what she will wear for an upcoming wedding, irrespective of the fact nobody will notice.
Eleanor Shaw, aged 32, has spent weeks looking for the perfect dress for a friend’s big day without ever realising she is the only one arsed about it.
Shaw said: “It’s a nightmare. I’ve bought four new dresses already but none of them are right.
“In the heatwave I suffered the delusion a mini-dress would be ideal, but now I realise I’d be freezing and assumed to be a sex worker. But I can’t wear a maxi because I’ll be far too hot, I’m neither pregnant nor a mother and I’m not middle-class enough.
“Trousers? Or will I look like a lesbian, which would be offensive to the actual lesbians there? Dua Lipa wore a suit for her wedding. I could do the same, if I wanted to look like a pathetic, needy Dua Lipa wannabe.
“I think I’ve settled on a mid-length powder-blue backless one which will make me stand out without drawing attention from the bride. But if my boyfriend doesn’t praise it effusively and fall to his knees in awe I might have another crisis.”
Bride-to-be Carolyn Ryan said: “Eleanor? I only invited her because my mate Phoebe fancies her brother. As long as she doesn’t wear powder blue like my mother I give zero f**ks.”
