Woman packs brand new unworn high-heeled boots for city break

A WOMAN visiting Paris has sensibly brought a new pair of high-heeled leather boots that are yet to be broken in as her only footwear option.

Eleanor Shaw has been saving the boots first wear for a suitable occasion, and planned to stroll around the City of Light as if fresh from the pages of Vogue, effortlessly impressing the stylish locals.

She said: “Please Jesus I am in agony. And this is only day two. I’ve got another 48 hours of hobbling to go.

“I was already feeling the bite of unyielding leather against my soft skin on the plane. I treated myself to a taxi from De Gaulle in the pretence it was chic, struggled to my room, surveyed the damage and realised I’d be alright as long as I didn’t walk again this week.

“I’m relying on the Metro to get around but how many f**king steps? And the Louvre goes on for miles. I stood in front of Delacroix’s Liberty Leading the People for 45 minutes with tears streaming down my cheeks. Not because of the painting.

“Last night I read all about the marvellous restaurants within a short walk from my hotel, then ordered McDonalds on Uber Eats. I said ‘Merci’ to the delivery guy. That’s been the extent of my foreign experience.

“These torture devices cost me £200 and I can’t even return them because their calfskin lining’s permanently marked with blood. Tomorrow I’m out in Crocs.”

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We ask you: should the Plymouth bomb be sent back to Germany to teach them a bloody lesson?

AN unexploded World War Two bomb saw thousands evacuated and Plymouth shut down yesterday. Should we return it to Germany from 30,000ft? 

Carolyn Ryan, recruitment consultant: “It shouldn’t be our reponsibility to take it back. We should push one of those Royal Mail delivery cards through and Germany has to collect it from us between 8am and 1pm, bringing photo ID.”

Norman Steele, retired butcher: “We should let bygones be bygones, compromise and leave it in France. They hardly got bombed what with surrendering immediately, so that’s fair.”

Lucy Parry, beautician: “It’s Plymouth I blame, being so dozy they didn’t notice a 1,100 pound bomb for 80 years. And I thought Exonians were thick.”

Jordan Gardner, student: “How do we know Germany dropped it? How do we know it wasn’t Britain under a false flag operation? Sorry, I’ve been on the internet.”

Martin Bishop, haberdasher: “So it didn’t explode? Well that’s the myth of German engineering efficiency torn down, isn’t it? I for one will not be buying a BMW.”