Saturday, 4th April 2020

Woman pretending to be relaxed about shoes on or off

A WOMAN is pretending to be relaxed about whether guests should keep their shoes on at the front door or take them off.

Emma Bradford sadistically forces visitors to play an impossible guessing game while clearly having a preference about indoor shoe policy.

Friend Donna Sheridan said: “I wish she’d just say, ‘Take your shoes off please because we have nice carpets and suspect your footwear is covered in shit and germs.’ 

“Or if she feels differently, ‘Please keep your stinky feet hidden, I’ve only met you twice and it would be over-familiar to show us your socks.’

“But instead she says, ‘Oh, I don’t mind!’ in an airy tone, while looking massively anxious about what horror you’re about to inflict on them. 

“I could try to follow her lead but what if she’s wearing slippers? So either I stomp around in my shoes while Emma winces, or slide around feeling vulnerable in my socks hoping my feet don’t smell.

“I’ve decided the sensible thing is to never visit her again.”