Woman still using separate shampoo and conditioner like an arsehole

A WOMAN woman is still using two separate products to clean and condition her hair like some kind of arsehole, it has emerged.

Even though there are more options than ever that combine the two, cretin Nikki Hollis still treats each as though it needs its own little place in the shower.

Health and Beauty expert Jane Thomson said: “In this day and age you can easily find a combined shampoo and conditioner that does a good job at a reasonable price. In my opinion, you’d have to be an utter degenerate to have a separate bottle for each.”

Hollis claims to get a better result from using two different brands, although her moronic hair suggests she is a bare-faced liar.

Hollis’ neighbour, 87-year-old Helen Archer, said: “I heard Nikki spends money on a different shampoo and conditioner when there are so many products on the market that contain both. What the f**k?”

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Johnson's 'charm' officially runs out

BORIS Johnson’s comic persona is officially past its sell-by date, experts have confirmed.

The Institute for Studies found that Johnson has lost his strange ability to win over voters by talking in Latin and arsing around like a 1920s slapstick comedian.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “This is bad for Johnson because he can no longer rely on idiots to vote for him because he got his head stuck in a bucket.

“He was losing charm anyway because we now know all he cares about is his career, and his constant WW2 references are just embarrassing in front of the grown-ups from the EU.”

Office worker Tom Logan said: “Boris was on TV today but instead of a hilarious buffoon all I saw was a strange middle-aged politician with a look of desperate ambition in his eyes.

“It was so disturbing I had to turn over to Countryfile and try to forget I stupidly voted for Brexit because of this clearly fraudulent twat.”