A WOMAN is getting the most out of her daily mindfulness session by planning how to fuck up people who have wronged her.
Office worker Nikki Hollis finds the daily 15-minute routine is ideal for focusing her mind on how to get even for real and imagined slights.
Hollis said: “This week I’ve been focusing on breathing down deeply into my chest and how to get my line manager fired.
“I reckon if I threaten an industrial tribunal for bullying her career is toast. That’ll teach the evil cow to keep hassling me for being late, and it’s all thanks to meditation.
“It’s not just work. After five minutes of quiet time I remembered my ex-boyfriend’s email password, so quite soon everyone will be getting copies of anything dickish he’s ever typed.
“I couldn’t have done that without my daily 15 minutes of rising above the pettiness of everyday life.”
Wellbeing guru Tom Booker said: “Mindfulness should not be used for negative purposes, such as realising you can key your ex-wife’s new husband’s car and the big twat can’t prove a thing.”