Woman who loses three fingers in accident just glad she has something to tell her hairdresser

A WOMAN who has suffered a life-changing injury is consoled that her upcoming visit to the hairdresser will have fewer awkward silences. 

Helen Archer lost a pint-and-a-half of blood and three fingers in an accident with an industrial kitchen slicer, but has found a silver lining in the gripping narrative it will make while she has her roots done.

She said: “You can’t imagine how painful it is. I’m in there for four hours sometimes, and Sophie has absolutely no conversation. The silences are agonising.

“At my last appointment, I tried a tale about how my cousin’s girlfriend got scammed, but I was too too removed to be on top of the details and the story unravelled before she’d even done the second rinse. But this solves everything. The timing couldn’t be better!

“I’ll be able to get through the hairwashing, the first trim and the foils with a graphic account of the accident itself, the rush to casualty, and the scars on the two fingers they did manage to reattach should take me right to the finish.

“And all it took was mildly traumatic bloodletting, a two day hospital stay and the loss of some mobility and nerve function. I should take up an extreme sport so this can happen more often.”

Hairdresser Sophie Rodriguez said: “You hear all sorts in this job. A woman told me she’d murdered her first husband, or something? I don’t know, I don’t really listen.”

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Festival offers selection of acts you would not pay to see individually

THIS spring and summer’s festivals are offering attendees the opportunity to see a collection of bands they may not be huge fans of but offer decent value in aggregate. 

The festival season means thousands will see acts like Craig David, Young Fathers, Jessie Ware, Royal Blood, Craig David (DJ set) and Shygirl without ever really wanting to but enjoying it nonetheless.

Festival attendee Francesca Johnson said: “Couldn’t get tickets for Glasto, but fancied dancing in a field to a band you didn’t know were Toploader until they played that one song? Well now you can!

“There’s a wide range of low-cost events featuring bands you had no idea were still touring, some of which have up to 40 per cent of their original members. And a falafel stall.

“£140 for the weekend may sound pricey to some, but where else can you see Soul II Soul, Chumbawamba, Katy B and an Elton John tribute all on the same bill?

“Divide the money by time on stage and that’s excellent value, even if you only catch Big Thief while queuing for a £9 pint of Carling. There’s also a comedy tent but you won’t find it.

“The best bit is that each band only does about 40 minutes, which is just about time for them to run through every song of theirs you might have heard of. No wasting time with album tracks here!”

Tom Logan said: “The Horrors and Catfish and the Bottlemen on the same stage? I vaguely remember both of them, can’t wait!”