Youth struggling to keep sweatpants aloft

A YOUNG man is wondering why his jogging bottoms keep slipping down after he puts a can of beer in each pocket.

Ryan Whittaker’s most recent ordeal began when he came out of Aldi with two cans of own-brand lager to keep him hydrated during a long evening of weed and Call Of Duty

As he set off for the bus stop he sensibly stowed the cans in his sweatpant pockets, leaving his hands free to scroll through Instagram to avoid becoming bored during the two-minute walk. 

Whittaker said: “I hadn’t got far before I realised something was wrong. 

“I was wearing my joggers at their usual level below the hips with a good inch of boxers showing in the customary gangsta style, when suddenly I felt this strange breeze whistling around my arsehole. 

“I looked down and saw my joggers had slid off my arse at the back and were heading the same way at the front. Luckily by then I was scrolling one-handed so I caught the waistband as my trackies were waving bye-bye to my dick. 

“I pulled them back up, but the same thing kept happening all the way home. It’s well weird.

“My theory is my mates tampered with my joggers as a TikTok prank. But the joke’s on them because they didn’t completely fall down. Which was fortunate because people might have thought I looked like a knob.”

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The top five TV shows to leave on in the background while having sex

UNSURE what to watch while you’re having sex? Here are five shows that are easy to dip in and out of, so to speak, during lovemaking.


In an ideal world you’d make time and really get into one of those lavish HBO shows everyone says is an all-time classic. The Wire is too bleak and The Sopranos too engaging, so stick to Deadwood. Its slow pace will give you plenty of time to enjoy sexual intercourse, and since it’s HBO, there are tits in it if you’re a bit bored with your partner’s.

Peaky Blinders

A surprisingly horny show about well-dressed men in hats. Many would argue the stylised violence and macho lifestyle is inappropriate for the bedroom. But Cillian Murphy’s in it and frankly you’d prefer your male partner tried to recreate strait-laced 1920s sex to the weird shit in the last Pornhub video he watched. 


The show itself is an unwatchable collection of ‘edgy’ police show clichés and witless plotlines showing precious little respect for its audience. However Idris Elba has a sexy voice, not unlike smooth jazz, which makes it the perfect soundtrack to a night of lovemaking, unless he’s talking about a mutilated corpse in the mortuary.

The Bear

Watch emotionally vulnerable men with stylish tattoos and beefy arms yell at each other in a cramped kitchen. The air is thick with tension; a fight could break out any minute or they could hug and cry. Masculine yet sensitive, they’re ideal for women to fantasise about during sex with your underwhelming partner. Sadly him whipping up a Chilean sea bass with tomato confit for a midnight snack will have to remain a fantasy.

The Blue Planet

Experience the wonders of this little blue ball we call Earth and the diversity and mystery of life as you celebrate a deep physical connection with your partner. Also if it’s an episode about penguin mating season you can imagine David Attenborough is watching and talking about you. Kinky.