A TEENAGE smoker who owns an XL bully is demanding that a general election is held immediately.
Jack Browne, 13, who is planning a career as a rapper if he gets the necessary GCSE results, feels so outraged by the government’s latest policies he is campaigning for a general election this afternoon.
He said: “It’s high time we gave someone else a go at running the country. Sunak’s administration is morally bankrupt, bereft of ideas and also a bunch of wankers.
“He took over without a democratic vote of the whole electorate. Now he’s taking away basic human rights like being able to own a dog that three council dog wardens can’t control. And that’s when he being friendly.
“The thought of purchasing fags legally was the only thing keeping me going after I’d learnt my beloved pet Beast will be banned. How will I be able to indulge in one of life’s little pleasures while terrorising the estate once the age restriction kicks in?
“I’m going to follow Penny Mordaunt’s advice and fight for what I believe in. I’ve already written a rap entitled Free Da Bullyz An’ Da Marlboro, which I expect will become a popular protest song not unlike The Times They Are Changin’.
“I’m following it up with a leafleting campaign and, if necessary, direct action. By which I mean vandalising a bin in the park.”