A TEEN’S attempts to look hard have been fatally undermined by his decision to wear a full tan sweatsuit that makes him resemble a giant cuddly toy.
Jordan Gardner was sure he was looking fresh when he pimp-strolled out of his family’s suburban semi kitted out in his new light-brown Adidas fleecy joggers and top.
However, the 16-year-old realised something was amiss when he tried to buy a disposable vape and the shopkeeper refused to believe he was an 18-year-old who had forgotten his driving licence, telling him to ‘Jog on, Paddington’.
Gardner said: “Believe me, that wasn’t the end of it. Passers-by kept sniggering when I attempted to stare them down while hanging around the war memorial.
“Then another member of my crew, Oli, suggested my sand-coloured headphones over my hoodie looked quite like a bear’s ears. The bastards started calling me ‘Snuggly Bear’ and changed my name on their phones.
“I doubt this sort of thing happens to 50 Cent. He’d bust a cap in their ass. All I can do is get my mum to take it back to JD Sports and ask for a refund.”
Jordan’s dad Richard said: “I suppose I could help Jordan by sharing my own experience of being given a humiliating nickname. But no one must know why I was called ‘Billy Brown Hole’ on my Duke of Edinburgh expedition.”