A £3,000 handbag, and other things Sunday supplements think are perfectly normal

WHAT do you mean, £3,000 for a handbag seems a bit steep? It’s perfectly normal in the world of a Sunday supplement, as are these other items:

A £3,000 bag

This season’s ‘must have’ item and incredibly ugly, as many high fashion things seem to be. Luckily the f**king ridiculous price makes it clear that the people who own one are much better that the average povvo pleb, which won’t happen if you’re clutching a £9.99 Primark rucksack.

A horribly decorated house

There’s a five-page feature on an Edwardian house in Hove that’s covered in green paint, aggressively loud leaf-patterned wallpaper and vermilion velvet upholstery, and has a wall dedicated to vintage curios including a genuine Victorian speculum. You think it looks hideous but it belongs to an incredibly wealthy couple who describe themselves as ‘lifestyle consultants’ so you must be wrong.

A UK mini-break for £595 a night

This gorgeous low-ceilinged Michelin-starred gastropub near Tavistock offers bijou little rooms and a private hot tub with plunge pool, and the travel editor got their stay for free in exchange for writing about it. The low wooden beams will give you concussion, which will at least help you forget that it is costing £595 a night to sleep in a creepy old building on a rain-lashed moor.

Posh people with small businesses

Lady Chloe De Fleuthoffen relaxes in her exquisite Cotswolds farmhouse full of quirky erotic art and flowers in jam jars, while constantly referencing her range of new printed tableware starting from £75 a napkin. On the next page is Bronson Fetherstone-Hault, who keeps a herd of bison on his family estate in Norfolk and makes award-winning artisanal mozzarella that’s only available from Fortnum & Mason.

Ugly rattan chairs

Are rattan chairs in again, or was the features editor getting a bit desperate and decided to do a splash featuring a selection of models reclining in them, including a token old person because they’re painfully aware of their readership? It doesn’t matter, they’re just grateful to have filled a few more pages with this nonsense.

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Son feels like he's forgotten something

A SON has got the nagging feeling that he has forgotten to do something important today, it has emerged.

Tom Booker, 34, cannot shake the idea that he was supposed to spend his Sunday doing something more pressing than lying on the sofa and catching up on The Mandalorian.

Booker said: “Was I meant to go to the dentist? Did I have a haircut booked? Nah, they’re both closed today. Christ, what could it be?

“It’s not the oven, that’s off. And I’m all up-to-date with my tax so I don’t have to worry about that either. Could it be a work thing? I’ll have to wait until Monday to find out.

“The car’s not due an MOT and my brother’s engagement party is next weekend. I even messaged my mates to make sure we weren’t supposed to meet up. I don’t know why they all said ‘obviously not’, but at least I can rule that out.

“Oh well. If it was truly important, like a birthday or an anniversary, I would have set a reminder on my phone. Guess it must be nothing. Looks like I’m free to kick back, relax, and spend my day binge-watching. Bliss.”

Tom’s mum Emma said: “He’s got until midnight. After that, I’m writing him out of my will.”