Are you more embarrassing than Richard Madeley? Take our quiz

RICHARD Madeley has set the bar high for embarrassing behaviour. Find out if you have overtaken him with this quiz.

How do you talk?

A) Using my vocal cords and mouth like every other human being.

B) In a weird caricature of normal speech. It’s both embarrassing and compelling and turns interviews into the proverbial car crash. Just like my next guest, who was in a 16-car pile-up. So Jenny, you’re not dead then?

Do you like to play devil’s advocate?

A) Sometimes, if I’m bored and have had a couple of pints.

B) Ah, now, that’s very interesting, because don’t you think the term ‘devil’s advocate’ could be offensive to minority groups like Satanists or Hell’s Angels? Hmm? This is an incredibly important point I’m making.

How do you discuss sensitive topics?

A) With the respect and gravity they deserve.

B) By relating a person’s story of genuine suffering to a trivial, barely relevant anecdote all about me. This always cheers everyone up when, for example, I compare being wrongly imprisoned in Saudi Arabia for six years with getting stuck in my bathroom.

How do you treat opposing views?

A) I always hear the other person out. I might learn something.

B) Aggressively belittle them, however breathtakingly ignorant I am about the subject. Like with that Just Stop Oil protester. Everyone knows you need oil to make cars go. What are you going to do, put milk in them? Stupid woman.

Do you have any self-awareness at all?

A) Yes. If anything I have too much. It’s debilitating.

B) I’m aware that people say I’m like a real-life Alan Partridge, which is flattering because he’s very popular with a long broadcasting career.


Mostly As: Sorry, you sound like a well-adjusted human being, which means you are nowhere near as embarrassing as Richard Madeley. Try hosting a rigged phone-in quiz or telling your daughter she was an accident to be more like him.

Mostly Bs: You are Richard Madeley, aren’t you? Taking a quiz about yourself is the sort of thing you’d do. You have ascended to a new plane of un-self-awareness.

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

America to ban abortion but give two-year-olds guns

THE US is to ban abortion but, as a compromise, allow all two-year-olds to carry firearms.

A leaked judgement from the Supreme Court overturns Roe vs Wade, but extends Second Amendment rights to any child over 24 months to redress the balance.

Republican senator Thomas J Booker III said: “A foetus is a child in God’s sight. Abortion is nothing more than legalised murder. This Democrat genocide must end.

“However, I do recognise this will mean an explosion in unwanted pregnancies and, consequently, too many children without value burdening the nation. They’re essentially stealth immigrants from wombs.

“We’ll deal with them the American way: with bullets. From now on all toddlers will have the right to bear arms, from the humble .22 pistol to 30-round assault rifles. And they will be encouraged to use them.

“The ensuing playpark disputes, middle-school bullying and rivalries between lunchroom social cliques will give us a slimmed-down, fighting-fit generation of Americans ready to take on the world. Hell yeah.”

Briton Nikki Hollis said: “Is it me, or is the world encouraged to look for moral leadership from a bunch of total f**king mentals?”