RICHARD Madeley has set the bar high for embarrassing behaviour. Find out if you have overtaken him with this quiz.
How do you talk?
A) Using my vocal cords and mouth like every other human being.
B) In a weird caricature of normal speech. It’s both embarrassing and compelling and turns interviews into the proverbial car crash. Just like my next guest, who was in a 16-car pile-up. So Jenny, you’re not dead then?
Do you like to play devil’s advocate?
A) Sometimes, if I’m bored and have had a couple of pints.
B) Ah, now, that’s very interesting, because don’t you think the term ‘devil’s advocate’ could be offensive to minority groups like Satanists or Hell’s Angels? Hmm? This is an incredibly important point I’m making.
How do you discuss sensitive topics?
A) With the respect and gravity they deserve.
B) By relating a person’s story of genuine suffering to a trivial, barely relevant anecdote all about me. This always cheers everyone up when, for example, I compare being wrongly imprisoned in Saudi Arabia for six years with getting stuck in my bathroom.
How do you treat opposing views?
A) I always hear the other person out. I might learn something.
B) Aggressively belittle them, however breathtakingly ignorant I am about the subject. Like with that Just Stop Oil protester. Everyone knows you need oil to make cars go. What are you going to do, put milk in them? Stupid woman.
Do you have any self-awareness at all?
A) Yes. If anything I have too much. It’s debilitating.
B) I’m aware that people say I’m like a real-life Alan Partridge, which is flattering because he’s very popular with a long broadcasting career.
ANSWERS
Mostly As: Sorry, you sound like a well-adjusted human being, which means you are nowhere near as embarrassing as Richard Madeley. Try hosting a rigged phone-in quiz or telling your daughter she was an accident to be more like him.
Mostly Bs: You are Richard Madeley, aren’t you? Taking a quiz about yourself is the sort of thing you’d do. You have ascended to a new plane of un-self-awareness.
