Boris naked outside Westminster on rope after being caught shagging Gove's wife a 'non-story', says BBC

THE BBC will not report on Boris Johnson absailing down Westminster Palace naked after being caught in flagrante with Sarah Vine because it is a ‘non-story’. 

BBC journalists have explained that covering the unclothed prime minister swinging on a bedsheet rope is ‘not in the public interest’.

Helen Archer of Newsnight said: “So Gove, Rees-Mogg and the Speaker of the House walked into the Stranger’s Bar to find Boris making love to Mail columnist Sarah Vine on a bed of £5 million in public cash? So what?

“I don’t think Britain at large really cares if he ran for it nude, knotted bedsheets together, leapt out of a window and is dangling 90 feet above the Thames, buttocks pressed against glass while the Archbishop of Canterbury recoils shocked inside.

“Does it really matter that Michael Gove is stalking the corridors of the Commons with a shotgun, vowing to ‘get that two-timing double-dealing snake’ and has already shot two MPs and a peer in error? Not to our audience.

“Let’s focus on the real issues, like Slough’s new flood prevention scheme and the BBC director-general Tim Davie definitely not standing behind me right now.”

Later today the BBC will lead on an investigation into new questions about legal action regarding an inquiry into possible irregularities in Nicola Sturgeon’s campaign funding structure, in the interests of balance.

The Daily Mash in your inbox
privacy

How I got f**ked over by Boris for four years, by a Brexiter

FOR four years, Boris Johnson was everything to me. I adored him and believed all his wild promises. But now I realise I was just being used. 

We’d been flirting for years through his Telegraph columns. I was flattered that an educated man able to quote Horace in Latin would give me, a Middlesbrough warehouse operative, the eye.

So when he first began to woo me directly, I was helpless to resist. It was all behind the Tory party’s back and felt thrillingly illicit. He even screwed me with his big red bus.

After the night of 23rd June, 2016, I thought we could finally be together. But instead he showed his cowardly side and let that bossy woman take everything we’d worked for.

Still I kept seeing him despite my qualms, and whenever he insulted a foreigner I knew it was his way of squeezing my thigh under a table.

So when he humiliated her so dreadfully she walked out, I saw my chance. I gave him my all, my body and soul, and let him do things to my Red Wall that nobody had done before.

And what happened? He f**ked me in the fisheries. He f**ked me in the piggeries. He f**ked me in the small exporters. He f**ked me in the Irish Sea. He let his best mate f**k me all the way to Durham.

He f**ked me every way a politician can f**k a voter. And now I know that he was the person everyone warned me about, all along.

Will I still vote for him in 2025? When he turns on that tousled charm, how can I resist?