Britain profoundly insulted by April Fools' stories

THE UK has been deeply insulted by today’s ‘media pranks’. 

Stories claiming Prince Philip loves the EU, James Bond is a woman and potatoes can power your home have left the public in no doubt about how stupid the powerful think they are.

Francesca Ryan, from Loughborough, said: “I’m up for a decent April Fools’ gag that lulls me into momentarily believing it before hitting me with the punchline.

“But expecting me to believe, even for a moment, that the EU is putting stars on the Union Jack is calling me a cretin then beating me over the head with a neon ‘IT’S A JOKE!!’ sign.

“Meanwhile, I’m looking at the Daily Mail and have no idea which one is supposed to be the April Fool.”

A spokesman for Virgin said: “We’ve created Kids’ Class for long-haul flights! No we haven’t! April Fool!

“Laugh, you morons, laugh! Didn’t you get it? God, you’re such idiots.”

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Man who left Facebook never heard of again

A MAN who closed his Facebook account in August 2015 apparently no longer exists.

Tom Booker, 38, said he was leaving Facebook so that he could ‘get on with his day to day life like a normal person’. But this oblique and curious remark is the last anyone has heard of him.

Norman Steele, who was Booker’s friend on Facebook for six years, said: “Why would a person want to disappear from the world like that? Simply up and leave Facebook and not be aware of the latest Trending stories or Huffington Post blogs?

“It’s not like he moved to Instagram or Whatsapp. He simply departed the Internet altogether. At least when that MP in the 1970s disappeared into the sea he left a pile of clothes behind him.”

A police spokesman said, “We’ve looked at his Facebook history, searched Events he might have planned to attend or posts of friends he might have ‘liked’ but we’ve drawn a blank.

“We could look on Twitter but that’s such a bottomless quagmire we’d have to bring in outside frogmen with special dredging equipment.”