THE Daily Mail and the Guardian have discovered that they share a biological father.
Both newspapers received phone calls from a mysterious middle-aged man who said he had something very important to tell them.
Later that day they met 59-year-old Norman Steele at a cafe, where he revealed that he was their father and that this made them half-brothers.
The Daily Mail said: “I thought I was being invited onto The Jeremy Kyle Show which I obviously hate as it shows just how broken Britain really is.”
The Guardian said: “I thought it was an invite to go on The Jeremy Kyle Show too. Which I would have done purely to write an article about it highlighting the horrors of Tory Britain.
“I can’t believe that me and that immigrant hating, civil partnership shunning, crack smoking fascist are related.”
The Daily Mail said: “I can’t believe that me and that immigrant welcoming, civil partnership having, crack smoking hippy are related.”
Norman Steele said: “Listen, you are both dickheads and I think I was right not to stick around for either of your childhoods.”