EVEN funny stories about a fat man eating a pie now end in the ruination of everyone involved, it has been confirmed.
The joyful moment in which a porky footballer bit through some flaky pastry in slow-motion, to the delight of millions, has led to his resignation from the club he loves because of the arseholes who run football.
Sutton United fan Norman Steele said: “What happened is some knob-end at a betting company made a shit joke about our reserve keeper Wayne being fat.
“Wayne, who’s a great lad, really dedicated to the club, heart and soul of grassroots football, decided to make it funny by actually eating a pie on the bench, providing the high point of an otherwise pedestrian game.
“At this point the largely impotent FA took out all their frustrations on Wayne by forcing him to resign.
“That’s 2017 in a nutshell. Attempt to have a laugh and get stamped on by po-faced wankers, forever.”
Britain’s next funny story will be about a skateboarding duck, enjoyed for up to eight seconds, before an HGV runs it over.