BUYER WANTED for 29-year-old TV news channel, never watched, pristine condition.
This highly sought-after news service is every Briton’s fifth choice in times of emergency after the BBC, ITV, C4 and the BBC again.
Famous for being the groundbreaking first UK news channel to broadcast 24 hours a day, Sky was also the first to prove that there are more hours in the day than there are interesting events.
Originally bought by an elderly Australian gentleman in anticipation of the repeal of broadcasting regulations requiring impartial coverage, the channel costs approximately £40m a year to run and has never made money.
Sky is also the only channel to employ, or which would consider employing, reporter Kay Burley whose scoops include making various victims of crime cry on camera and reading a Golden Retriever’s mind.
The channel comes with subsidiary Sky Sports News, home of the must-watch twice-yearly transfer day round-up where reporters in football club car parks attempt to stop fans making obscene hand gestures.
Buyers would be considered to have done Rupert Murdoch, and by association the Conservative party and government of Britain, a favour to be repaid in any manner they see fit.