ARE you unsure how to jump into commenting in the bearpit of vicious invective that is the Daily Mail’s website? Here’s how:
Coherence is for lefties
Instead of taking the extra seconds to make your point clear, take a scattershot approach bringing in Corbyn, Churchill, Kourtney Kardashian, what your mate told you about wind turbines and CBeebies liberal bias.
Mail Online comments are basically an online therapy session for life’s losers, so vent your bitterness against everything. If a cute kitten has been given a prosthetic leg, ask why the limb wasn’t given to a British soldier maimed in ‘one of Tony B Liar’s wars’.
Keep your views just to the right of Hitler
Don’t just be a suburban fascist. Instead come at issues from a weird ultra-right perspective utterly divorced from reality, for example calling Tory chancellor Philip Hammond a ‘hard-left Fidel Castro communist’.
Make the old ‘Who?’ joke
Prove just how reactionary you are by pretending to be ignorant of globally famous figures such as Taylor Swift by commenting ‘Who?’ like a High Court judge in the 1960s. Extra points if you only do it to women.
Bring your personal bugbear into everything
Against the EU? Well, that’s germane to Brexit, Harry and Meghan, Easter eggs, Holly Willoughby’s diet news, a viral cip of a lizard in a bowling alley and a scare scory about building society interest rates. Get it on.
If you’re slagging Muslims – it’s always Muslims – use punctuation to confuse software filtering out racism, eg ‘M.u.S – li .ms’. Much as Germans in the 1930s would write to Der Sturmer about ‘d-i.e J_u_den’.