DO you sometimes feel the Guardian’s hard news jars with its endless lifestyle wank? Let’s sample a selection.
‘Risk of nuclear war in next 48 hours’ and ‘Am I a feminist for letting my wife choose my socks?’
Washington fears Armageddon is all but inevitable following the latest Putin threats. Meanwhile, am I oppressing my wife by leaving it to her to buy my socks from M&S, or am I a truly modern man for letting her be boss?
‘A Republican victory would spell the end of democracy in the US’ and ‘Should I feel guilty for having a spa session instead of watching my son’s nativity?’
Political analysts warn the world could be plunged into fascism by 2024, but why should I deny myself hard-earned ‘me time’ to watch my son’s outdated Christian ritual?
‘Oceans to reach boiling point by 2027’ and ‘How do I tell my Asian friends I don’t like curry?’
Ocean temperatures are set to exceed 100 degrees, killing all sea life and destroying the ecosystem, scientists have warned. Also, rather than endless dishes with cumin and turmeric, would just a plain cheese flan be too much to ask for, and am I racist for assuming South Asian people like curry anyway?
‘UK supermarkets face empty shelves risking mass starvation’ and ‘Is 2023 the death knell for hipster beards?’
Millions face death by starvation owing to our crumbling supply chain. Meanwhile, can I finally shave off this f**king stupid beard in a welcome comeback for razorblades and being pleasantly clean-shaven?
‘Humanity near to extinction’ and ‘Why are avocados either under-ripe or overripe?’
Scientists have warned that mankind will die out next week unless all fossil fuel production ceases immediately. But more importantly, why can I never find that minuscule ‘sweet spot’ in which an avocado is actually edible?