'I'm being silenced by the media' says Tommy Robinson in every single newspaper

TOMMY Robinson, an ‘activist’ and ‘campaigner’ has attacked the press for silencing him, every media outlet has confirmed.

“The liberal elite are stopping my message from getting out” Robinson said, according to the Telegraph, Times, Sun, Guardian and Daily Mirror.

Stephen Malley, a staunch supporter of Robinson, said “How can people hear about Tommy’s position on Islam and immigration when the mainstream press limit coverage to just somewhere between daily and constant?”

Malley added: “And it’s not just the newspapers, television is just as bad. Yesterday I turned a national broadcaster on at 6pm and there wasn’t a single headline mentioning Tommy. It’s just yet another example of the lefty liberal bias perpetuated by Cbeebies.”

Professor Henry Brubaker, from the Institute for Studies, agreed that Robinson is being silenced: “Technically Tommy Robinson doesn’t exist. It’s just an alias used by Stephen Yaxley-Lennon. So Tommy Robinson hasn’t said or done anything, Stephen Yaxley-Lennon has.”

He added: “Robinson’s views have been widely condemned across the political spectrum, presumably after people have had to first guess what they were.”

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'Communism now!' screams 13-year-old from Henley-on-Thames

A 13-YEAR-OLD from a posh Home Counties town is demanding full communism for the United Kingdom. 

Julian Cook, who first discovered communism when his father mentioned how much it annoyed him last year, is now a full-fledged Red with a Mao poster on his bedroom wall who tweets as @MarxStan1917.

Wearing a Supreme hoodie and waiting for his mum to pick him up from the cinema, Cook said: “There is no ethical consumption under capitalism. Stalin was misunderstood. Nationalise all property.

“Jeremy Corbyn’s a stooge and a running dog as far as I’m concerned. He’ll be up against the wall with the rest of them once the revolution comes and the people take charge.

“I’ve not really spoken to any of the proletariat yet, but I don’t need to to know what’s best for them. Pol Pot studied in Paris and he was one of the greatest revolutionaries of all time.

“The only thing that went wrong with all the communisms of the past was America bombing them. Otherwise we’d be living in a utopia now, instead of this hellscape where I haven’t even got a car.”

Cook’s Key Stage 3 comrades agree that the only way forward is under a British version of Maoism, a theory they discuss while eating Waitrose blue corn organic tortilla chips and playing Fortnite.