Local newspaper pretending to be important part of community

A DIRE local newspaper claims to be a vital and much-loved part of the local community, it has emerged.

Weekly freesheet the Haverford Chronicle portrays itself as a valuable news source and crusader for reader’s rights, despite mostly containing pictures of people eating baguettes, double glazing adverts and the grievances of local idiots.

Editor Roy Hobbs said: “The Chronicle is always fighting for the interests of the local community, for example by uncritically publishing the stories of people who think they’re allergic to streetlights.

“This week we’ve got a big scoop on someone being fined for fly-tipping, and a special report on a new cake decorating course at the local FE college.

“When Melinda Messenger opened the new multiplex in Frogley we ran the pictures for three weeks as part of an advertising tie-in with Burger King.

“If people want to know what’s going on locally, they turn to us. Us or the internet.”

Local resident Donna Sheridan said: “I’m always pleased when the Chronicle arrives because I’ve got a wood-burning fire.”