Nigel Farage 'will be allowed to make love to Lee Anderson on air' - Ofcom

NIGEL Farage and Lee Anderson having full sex live on GB News does not contravene election coverage rules, according to Ofcom.

The TV watchdog said that if the former UKIP leader and dense ex-miner began kissing, followed by increasingly heavy petting and ultimately penetrative sex, it would fall into the category of ‘erotic programming’.

An Ofcom spokesperson said: “Nigel and Lee having sex is acceptable because there is no consensus on whether we should ban news shows hosted by politicians. Nor is it our job to censor hot man-on-man action. In fact I’m not entirely sure what it is we do.

“A clear view of an erect penis would obviously fall foul of existing obscenity laws, but we still wouldn’t intervene because we are utterly toothless and refuse to penalise right-wing news outlets that lie blatantly and constantly.

“Really it is incumbent upon Farage and Anderson – and Laurence Fox and Quentin Letts if present – to ensure their shared love of Brexit and hatred of woke does not boil over into a series of explicit sex acts. Or they can if they want.”

TV viewer Donna Sheridan said: “GB News is the only channel that keeps me in an ill-informed bubble of right-wing propaganda and regurgitated tabloid myths. I expect the transgenders are still all pretending to be cats and helicopters, am I right?

“I’m normally a rabid homophobe but we Brexiters instantly change our views to accommodate anyone who hates immigrants. So come on Nigel and Lee, let’s see some massive cumshots!”

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Runaway London horses desperate to carve out media career

THE Household Cavalry horses who rampaged through London are keen to turn their 15 minutes of fame into lucrative media careers.

Having gone viral after galloping through London and kicking a bus, the horses feel they could emulate the ‘Scottish Oompa Loompa woman’, and have signed up with a talent agency to further their burgeoning stardom.

Agent Martin Bishop said: “If a nonentity like the parish council Zoom meeting lady Jackie Weaver can land a publishing deal, I reckon I can get these guys on Would I Lie To You? no problem.

“Millions of people are surely gagging to see what they’ll gallop through next. Times Square, perhaps, with a quick boot to a New York taxi for the fans? Although it may be too soon to try and crack America.

“First they need to hone their craft on the open mic circuit then take a show to Edinburgh. Sure, they’ve proven their entertainment chops online, but audiences are tougher in real life. They’ll have to drop the blood for starters. And they can’t just poo onstage at The Pleasance.

“I’ve already booked them a slot on This Morning and got them churning out Cameo videos, but they’ve got to flesh out their act if they want to turn this into a career. If they can sing or tell a joke that would be a massive help.”

Military horse Boxer said: “We’ve all told Martin we’re not doing Equus. We don’t want to get typecast.”