THE Daily Mail will never, under any circumstances, be happy, it has been confirmed.
The report from the Institute of Studies found that even if every member of staff at the newspaper won the lottery on the same day it would still be a cold and depressing place to be.
Daily Mail journalist Julian Cook said: “I didn’t get into journalism to be in the happy business.
“I’m here to tell it how it is. And if that happens to be depressing and unsubstantiated then so be it.
“It is so very chilly in our office. The atmosphere is bleak and forbidding, like a Victorian orphanage but without the element of hope.”
He added: “This Sunday there is a free packet of seeds for every reader.”