Man sure workmates will vote Labour after saying they're scum otherwise

A MAN is convinced colleagues share his pro-Labour views after he ranted at them about all other parties being evil scumbags.

Administrator Tom Logan won over his politically wavering colleagues by warning them not to be selfish evil bastards who hate the poor and needy.

Logan said: “I’ve explained that if they voted Tory it would make me physically sick and I’d have to disown a disgusting person like that.

“Pete said he might vote Lib Dem but he’s obviously changed his mind because he didn’t stick up for them when I said they were just neoliberal Tory vermin in disguise.”

He added: “The key to persuasion is to use intelligence combined with charm and wit.”

Workmate Nikki Hollis said: “I really don’t agree with Tom’s view that voting Green makes you ‘an enabler for Tory class genocide’ but it’s pointless arguing with him.

“I’ve got a nasty feeling it’s going to be like 2015 when he couldn’t believe Labour lost and got so drunk he soiled his ‘Team Miliband’ tracksuit.”

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Man thinks his job is secure

A MAN believes his job is secure, it has emerged.

37-year-old Tom Logan works as a mortgage advisor for a bank, because he will spend the rest of his working life in his comfortable position.

Logan said: “I’m in a stable, sensible job and my employer really cares about me. I never did anything crazy like trying to be a professional rock guitarist or starting a company that make role-playing games.

“I’ve always worked hard for my boss so that even in the unlikely event that business took a downturn and the shareholders started kicking off, they’d never let me go.

“Fortunately I will never end up cycling through traffic with a big cool box of strangers’ takeaways strapped to my back! Or worse still working for Amazon in their vast warehouse of woe.”

However Logan’s employer said: “Due to challenging market conditions, we are about to enter a period of review.

“We’ll be speaking to Tom later today. It’s not all bad news though. Apparently Amazon is hiring.”