SCOTT Mills has been sacked by the BBC over allegations dating back to 2016. But with so many sex-related scandals, is it time to demand that all male BBC stars are eunuchs? Consider the benefits…
Less laddish shite
The BBC has churned out some tiresome lad content over the years, such as the ‘bantz’ of Chris Moyles, and subjected us to embarrassing wannabe lads like David Baddiel on Fantasy Football League. Eunuchs would be uninterested in making such shows, and Baddiel might still be cool, like Rob Newman, if he’d had his bollocks chopped off.
Your nan could still like Huw Edwards
Edwards not only committed paedophile crimes, he was also responsible for upsetting grannies who liked his solemn, trustworthy tones during Royal events. The rest of us could just put the pompous Welsh windbag on mute and do the commentary ourselves. ‘There’s Princess Anne dressed like f**king D’Artagnan’ doesn’t require any particular skill or a £529,999 salary.
No more Strictly controversies
Jeez, how many times has testosterone caused problems on Strictly? A round of neuterings would stop all the affairs, and Wynne Evans deserves to be castrated for the GoCompare adverts anyway. He’d only be reviving the strangely discontinued operatic career of ‘castrato’.
Endless opportunities for woke policies
The BBC loves a good diversity policy, and this would create jobs for the negligible number of eunuchs in the UK. BBC managers could spend months devising guidelines to ban offensive expressions like ‘he’s got balls’ and ‘a load of bollocks’, and Russell T Davies would undoubtedly create a token eunuch character for Doctor Who.
No more historical scandals like Savile
Scott Mills is facing historical allegations, but when the current cohort of BBC stars die there won’t be serious offenders like Jimmy Savile for the director general to deal with in 2076. He or she will be able to devote all their highly-paid time to the BBC’s core activity: endless grovelling to right-wing politicians and the Israeli government.
Reduced nepotism
The British media is full of posh, privately-educated children of celebrities and media figures. A BBC castration policy would prevent at least a few of these nepo babies being born, and that’s a big win for society. Hollywood should be encouraged to follow suit to ensure that films like After Earth are never allowed to happen again.
Castration is the sensible thing for stars like Gregg Wallace
Gregg Wallace, it turned out, had a long history of not just ‘saucy’ comments but also serious sexual harassment. Like a terrier that won’t stop barking and shagging your cushions, castration is just sensible. Even Gregg might be happier if he saw a woman and she held no more sexual appeal than a potato. Which, ironically, is probably what numerous women have thought about Gregg.
