Telegraph readers demand more stuff about Muslims and a free pair of gardening gloves

READERS of the Telegraph have confirmed they want more anti-Muslim propaganda and a free pair of gardening gloves.

After Boris Johnson’s comments about burqa wearers proved massively pleasing to them, Telegraph subscribers said they would like to see the newspaper really hammering Muslims and also doing a gardening gloves giveaway where you collect the tokens.

86-year-old Roy Hobbs said: “It’s about time somebody had a go at the Muslims, you definitely never see that in any other British newspapers.

“I’d like it if the Telegraph was all about Muslims apart from some vouchers that you cut out every week and then when you’ve got ten you send them off in an envelope and get a free pair of gardening gloves – blue for men or pink for women.

“Gardening is a wonderful way to relax when you’re stressed out and exhausted from thinking about Muslims.”

A Telegraph spokesman said: “It’s always useful to hear reader feedback, especially as we’re currently targeting a younger 81 to 94-year-old demographic.”

Hobbs added: “I’m not sure if the Telegraph can help but people still keep turning in my driveway even though I’ve put a sign up.

“I’ve written down all their license plate details so perhaps they could be published under the headline ‘Bastards’.”

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Dad who reckons he could have been a rock star if it wasn't for his family is wrong

A MAN who thinks he would have been a famous rock star if he had not had a family would not have been, it has been confirmed.

Tom Booker blames his lack of global musical success on his three children, despite having no talent whatsoever.

He said: “Who knows where I’d be now? Probably touring the world with my band, driving fast cars and dating beautiful women.

“It’s just one of those sacrifices you make as a parent, but sometimes I do wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t been held back.”

Wife Emma Booker said: “Tom can play one song on the guitar, Basket Case by Green Day. It sounds shit.

“Now can you tell him to stop whining and come help me give Aiden his bath?”

Tom Booker added: “I would have learned more songs.”