'Toughest week of my life' says nurse after job swap with right-wing columnist

A NURSE who did a job swap with a Daily Telegraph columnist has admitted she has never had to work so hard.

For a TV documentary, Nikki Hollis, who works shifts at Barts in London, swapped roles with the Telegraph’s Donna Sheridan, who spends almost an hour writing her weekly column complaining about workshy Britain and tea-drinking NHS skivers.

Hollis said: “After a week racking my brains trying to write an 800-word column made up out of thin air, my hat is off to these right-wing ranters. I don’t know how they do it.

“I wrote a piece on Monday, an account of a day in the life of a nurse working a winter shift. The editor knocked it back, saying it was ‘loony left propaganda’, ‘insufficiently mean-spirited’ and ‘not bonkers’.

“So I tried again. I put myself in the mind of a Donna Sheridan and wrote some absolute garbage about nurses spending most of their days filling out dubious expenses claims and only visiting food banks to have food fights after work while patients languish in corridors.

“The editor said it still wasn’t spiteful and ill-informed enough. I had sleepless nights asking myself ‘What would Allison Pearson, Janet Daley or Isabel Oakeshott write?’ 

“I just couldn’t do it. I’m relieved to back on the wards, doing easy stuff like saving lives. Our right-wing columnists are miracle workers.”

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Harry's book sounds like a bloody good read, Britain agrees

THE UK has agreed that based on the outraged reporting so far, Prince Harry’s memoir Spare sounds like a real page-turner.

The book, in which the Prince is ridden by a cougar in a field, shags a hot Hollywood actress and takes out 25 top Taliban fighters, appears to combine the best bits of Jilly Cooper, Jackie Collins and Andy McNab.

Carolyn Ryan of Bedford said: “I like a rip-roaring saga of family conflict, I like a bit of violence and I like a good romance. This has got the f**king lot.

“Tragic past that only makes the hero more brooding and attractive? Check. Classic underdog? Check. Finds love but the whole world is against them but he doesn’t falter? Bang on.

“A prince who joins the army and fights on the frontline rather than hanging around with his posh arsehole family? That’s one big bastard of a hook and it’s not even the main draw.

“These newspapers must have paid a fortune to serialise it. It sounds like end-to-end action, fancy sex in big castles, and palace punch-ups.

“Even my husband’s interested, and he hasn’t read a book since Keane: The Autobiography in 2002.”