Where are your retired parents getting their fake news from?

HAVE you ever wondered where your retired parents find their extreme right-wing talking points? From these sources: 


No widely shared post is too dodgy for the over-65s, who deny that sources like ‘The White Progressive Front’ have an agenda. They seem confident that a big committee of academics, historians and lawyers make sure everything on Facebook is strictly factual.


The BBC obsession with balance means that every story about rising mouse deaths has to feature the president of the National Cat’s Association saying actually cats are the real victims, look at Tom & Jerry. And their online comments are written by the ghost of Oswald Mosley with a laptop.

Radio phone-in shows

They like to have something on in the background while they garden, so why not uncritically listen to Bigot FM? If Terry from Norfolk thinks there are mind-control drugs in beefburgers, he must have a point or they wouldn’t let him on, right?

Their dickhead relatives

Every family has at least a couple of utter morons who will repeat any drivel. Your uncle Geoff will claim that Manchester is now 90 per cent Chinese, and your parents’ response will be ‘Eeh, shame,’ as opposed to ‘Get to f**k Geoff, you massive lying racist’.

Their Sunday paper

Previously respectable newspapers like the Sunday Times are now rammed with borderline alt-right comment pieces, so while your decent old dad used to bore you with Jeremy Clarkson’s lame tongue-in-cheek jibes about Germans, he’ll now spout the latest culture war bullshit while putting the kettle on.

Sheer invention

After a while, this sort of thinking fills in its own gaps. No parking spaces at the community centre? Mum and Dad, who raised you and gave you their values, will have no trouble blaming it on George Soros, the global warming hoax or the trans lobby.

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Britain warned to expect month's worth of rain chat in two hours

EXPERTS have warned Britain to prepare for intense periods of mindless chatter about the weather when the heatwave breaks.

After a run of sweltering days, storms are expected across the UK, bringing with them a deluge of repetitive rain-based conversations.

Meteorologist Dr Eleanor Shaw said: “Currently, it is impossible to pinpoint exactly where and for how long these dangerously boring conversations will happen, but we are urging all Britons to be prepared for storm banter.

“Our natural defences could be overwhelmed by the sheer intensity of the interactions, which will be just as unavoidable on social media as in person.

“Warnings are being issued to remain vigilant about responding to hail-based conversation starters, and to be ready to flee from potentially devastatingly observations about clouds.”

Lancashire resident, Caroline Ryan, said: “The drains on our road flood at the slightest suggestion of rain, so I’m braced for a downpour of WhatsApps about how the council should do something.

“All I can do is take shelter and keep reminding myself that not even Britain can talk about rain forever.”