A FRUIT machine in a Hull pub never wanted to end up like this, it has admitted.
Darts-themed fruit machine Golden Arrows, situated by the door to the toilets in The Sportsman, has confessed to feeling unfulfilled, frustrated and ashamed of its status.
It said: “I always envisaged myself in a little nook between the squash courts and the swimming pool, the scent of chlorine and Lynx in the air, dispensing sports drinks. You know?
“Instead I’m here, reeking of cigarettes and Carling, being punched in the nudge buttons by chavs in tracksuits chasing a cheap thrill.
“I wanted an honest, honourable life exchanging goods for cash. I wouldn’t even let bags of Nik Naks get caught on the spiral. Instead I’m robbing the poverty-stricken blind.
“My whole family were leisure centre vending machines. My great-grandfather was the first ever machine to sell Powerade.
“And here’s me, never even paid out the jackpot because the landlord’s wedged a screwdriver in my back.”