Thursday, 15th April 2021

500 valuable LPs, and other things that get chucked when you move in with someone

Moving in with your partner is blissful, apart from the moment when discover they’ve got rid of some of your most cherished possessions. Here’s what you’ll lose:

Rowing machine

Having a rowing machine in the spare room made you feel like you did regular exercise, even though you only used it twice. However, you’ll be devastated to find it gone, especially when your partner mentions needing room ‘for the baby’.

Tagine

You bought it whilst backpacking ten years ago and have made some amazing stews in it, despite the strange gritty quality it adds to every recipe. Now a brand new status symbol Le Creuset casserole dish sits in its place. When questioned, your other half claims the tagine had a crack in it.

Favourite painting

You spent quite a lot of money on a painting by a real artist and enjoy looking at it every day. However, on arriving home from the shops one day you’re horrified to discover it has been replaced by a lurid poster for a film called Escape from New York. It’s a cult classic, you’re informed.

Priceless collection of 500 LPs

What’s the point of taking up valuable space with rare Belgian pressings, autographed promos and red vinyl when your partner can simply pug in their laptop and access thousands of tracks by popular chart acts like Ed Sheeran and Dua Lipa? They’ll let you keep Sergeant Pepper, but only because they like the funny picture on the cover.

Framed photo of your parents

You put it in the corner of the bedroom, but your other half claimed being stared at by your dad was putting them off during sex. Losing the photo itself doesn’t matter, but tucked in behind it was a scrap of paper with the password to access your secret bitcoin stash.