EVERY single boyfriend is a low-maintenance partner with easily met expectations for gifts, affection and texts, it has emerged.
While girlfriends demand frequent compliments, regular contact and thoughtful spontaneous presents, their partners are happy with occasional sex and an Amazon voucher for their birthdays, they have confirmed.
Girlfriend Helen Archer said: “My boyfriend is less demanding than my aloe vera plants. I have to water them once a week while Ryan can heat up his own Dr Oetker pizzas.
“I have to smell nice in rooms that smell nice, need layered haircuts and regular pedicures, and if he doesn’t text me at lunch to say he’s missing me it means he doesn’t love me anymore and he’s met someone else.
“While he sleeps on a mattress, gets his hair cut by saying a number to a Polish man, and wears the same Fat Willy’s T-shirt he’s had since he was 16. I washed and ironed it once but it made him sad.
“He’s so laid back I can go for months or even years without taking into account his needs. It’s like he’s been socially conditioned not to articulate his emotions in case it jeopardises his chances of sex. It’s weird.”
She added: “I want a Space NK candle for Christmas, and I’ve clearly hinted which one if he’s been paying attention, and if he gets me the wrong one we’re over.”