EVERY noise emanating from the kitchen from furiously clinking cutlery to irately closed cupboards is extremely angry, a husband has confirmed.
Tom Booker of Macclesfield is not sure what exactly he has done wrong yet, but is confident that he will soon be informed in a way that does not require him to interpret the banging of pans.
He said: “Whoof. From the way she’s repeatedly smacking the ignition on that hob, I have messed up big time.
“I’ve never heard the cereal boxes being put back on the shelf with such suppressed rage before, or the dishwasher being loaded with such icy, serial-killer hatred. It’s giving me shivers.
“It’s strange; I never hear the fridge open and think ‘Ah, my wife loves me’ though clearly that’s the sound I’m familiar with, to which this is the exact opposite.
“I’m going to have to go in there. I can’t let the pedal bin suffer for my crimes for a moment longer. Time to face the music.”
Booker then entered the kitchen, and shortly after was heard the distinctive sound of a spatula slapping flesh.