A MAN has claimed that being genuinely thoughtful and kind is a better way of getting what he wants than plotting and manipulating.
Tom Booker made the discovery after spending his whole life trying to get his own way through bullying, deception and generally being a shit.
He said: “The other day, my girlfriend was crying about some nonsense. I wanted her to stop, but couldn’t think of a way to convince her it was her fault.
“In the end, I hugged her, mostly to muffle the annoying sound of her sobs. Unbelievably, it worked.
“Then at work, instead of claiming that my arch-rival Aaron had been washing his balls in the bathroom sink, I helped him out with a presentation. And now he’s offered to help me. Weird.
“Turns out it’s not even difficult to remember what others do and don’t like, and to then behave accordingly. All that wasted time reading The Art of War when I could have just been handing out donuts.”
Booker’s mother, Donna, said: “It’s nice that Tom’s making an effort with people, but if he doesn’t really mean it, then isn’t he still just the same devious little bastard?”
Donna Booker later retracted her statement after receiving a surprise bouquet of flowers with a card reading ‘I love you mum xxx’.