Monday, 8th March 2021

Boyfriend does 12-item supermarket shop and gets them all wrong

A MAN has returned from the supermarket with all 12 items that his girlfriend requested, each of them wrong. 

Nathan Muir came home honestly believing that because he had purchased every item on the list he had done a good job, rather than wasting 45 minutes and £38.66.

Girlfriend Hannah Tomlinson said: “Just because they’re called ‘Mrs Plumpton’s Springhouse Farm’ doesn’t mean they’re free-range. I wanted free-range eggs. These are cruel eggs.

“I told you I wanted the Chicken Korma from the takeaway range, not the ordinary one, and what’s this ‘Charlie Bigham’ lasagne in a fancy wooden tray? How do I recycle that?

“Bourbons are not nice biscuits. Bourbons are emergency biscuits for builders. And you thought ‘full-fat’ milk was what we have? How?

“This hair mousse is for women with frizzy hair. Are you saying I’ve got frizzy hair? Then you’ve got Lurpak when it wasn’t on offer. I said ‘only if it’s on offer’. Never full price.”

She added: “I genuinely don’t know where this relationship is going.”