Cheating scumbag boyfriend has also lost all his WhatsApps

A SERIAL cheater has confirmed that significant numbers of his WhatsApps have mysteriously vanished, just like the prime minister’s. 

Ryan Whittaker, whose girlfriend suspects that he may have been unfaithful on a number of occasions between January 2020 and October 2021, was dismayed to announce that thousands of messages from that period are simply gone.

He said: “Straight up, I thought Rishi and Boris were bullshitting the Covid inquiry but it seems this is a widespread problem.

“Just like them, all the messages that would prove my innocence and definitely weren’t tit shots from Tinder birds have gone while my conversations with the missus are untouched.

“It seems whatever happened to the lads from Downing Street – basically doing nothing wrong, being suspected of it, feeling wounded that a technical glitch leaves them unable to prove their innocence – also happened to me. WhatsApp should be ashamed.

“Now anyone could look through my phone, which yeah I did change a few times through simple clumsiness, and not find a single piece of evidence I ever hooked up with a slam piece in a Bristol Travelodge because it didn’t take place.

Whittaker’s girlfriend Eleanor Shaw said: “Huh, bizarre. Oh well, better carry on like this never happened.”

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Cheeky f**ker puts £50 limit on Secret Santa

A PRESUMPTIOUS twat has ruined Secret Santa for all her friends by setting an extortionate cost limit on gifts.

Lauren Hewitt, aged 32, who was already considered a loaded bastard too into organised fun, set up the anonymous seasonal exchange with her friends then imposed a limit five times higher than anyone was considering paying.

She said: “It’s only a bit of fun, we don’t want anyone getting carried away, so I thought I’d make that abundantly clear by keeping costs low. You can actually get something decent for £50.

“I did see some unhappy faces so I’ve pulled people aside and said look, if you want to go over the limit that’s up to you, but oddly it doesn’t seem to have settled anyone down.”

Friend Grace Wood-Morris said: “I’m not planning to spend that much on my mother, and now I’ve got to shell out that much for a name out of a hat for a group of people who are frankly my back-up for slow weekends?

“We’ve all WhatsApped behind Lauren’s back and we’re not spending any more than a tenner. Adam’s got her, and he’s going to get something from a charity shop and claim it’s vintage. Posh twats love vintage.”